In Self-Compassion, Dr. Kristen Neff tells us:
“As I’ve defined it, self-compassion entails three core components.”
“First, it requires self-kindness, that we be gentle and understanding with ourselves rather than harshly critical and judgmental.”
“Second, it requires recognition of our common humanity, feeling connected with others in the experience of life rather than feeling isolated and alienated by our suffering.”
“Third, it requires mindfulness—that we hold our experience in balanced awareness, rather than ignoring our pain or exaggerating it. We must achieve and combine these three essential elements in order to be truly self-compassionate.”
We already know that self-compassion is critical to boosting motivation and willpower. Now, we know the three steps to implement it fully.
#1 Don’t beat yourself up. Treat yourself like you would a child or a dear friend. “No big deal.” “Needs work.” “Not me.” “That’s not like me.”
#2 It is not because you are you that you feel anxiety, fear, and sadness. It is because you are human. We all feel negative emotions at times.
#3 We must accept things as they are. In Loving What Is, Byron Katies tells us: “I realized that it’s insane to oppose it. When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100% of the time.”
Kristen shares two formulas with us:
#1 “Suffering = Pain x Resistance” (suffering equals pain times resistance)
#2 “Suffering = Pain ^ Resistance” (suffering equals pain raised to the power of resistance)
